hello. if you know anything about american politics, you know why today sucks. i've been wanting to update the blog for a couple weeks, but didn't have much to talk about; now i barely feel like talking at all.
that isn't to say i don't want to keep updating this blog. it's just... y'know.
anyways. i've been learning more about fire magic, and did a fairly short spell for hope & solidarity earlier this evening. i made a fire in our fireplace to not only keep the house warm from the snow, but to keep all the hearts of all the other marginalized folk in the u.s. right now warm too. i lit the fire with the intent of keeping myself strong, and therefore lifting others up too. within the next coming weeks, months, years— i want to be an advocate. i need to do something, because we refuse to censor ourselves and live in fear. we don't want anybody else living in fear, either.
alright. it's time to drink some water and do something relaxing. we called out of work due to a lot of snow, but we're still exhausted. til next time, neocities. stay safe out there.
good evening, neocities! i hope your day has been going well.
if you read my last blog post, you know that our system was recently questioning if we were a collective coyote therian or not. long story short, no, we're not; however, my headmate kyle is! turns out, vis shiftiness & emotions were seeping through to the rest of us for a few days there. oops. that just goes to show how much identity really is fluid & ever-changing, i suppose.
anyways, on an almost completely unrelated note:
we've been getting into warrior cats.
surprisingly, we never read the books as a kid, and now at the age of 22, we listen to the audiobooks while doing menial tasks at our shitty job and wonder how we missed out on something so spectacular.
now, don't get me wrong, the series is incredibly cheesy. painfully so, at times (we're currently on the 5th book, and... whoo boy). but as an autistic person who grew up latching onto media similar to warriors, i can't help but love it. and, maybe obviously, it scratches the nonhuman part of my brain real good.
the way the books describe exploring the wild forest, hunting and being hyperaware of your senses, the way body language is expressed in an animal-like manner... it feels like home, sometimes. it's a great comfort away from the pain that often stems from being in a human body.
the series has also reminded us how we showed signs of being animal as a kid. we would purposefully yawn with our teeth showing & curling our tongue in hopes it made us look more like a cat. we loved running on all fours, especially up the stairs. we were obsessed with making cat OCs, and animal OCs in general; again, how did we not get into warriors sooner??
anyway, the warrior cats series has (not so) surprisingly helped us find more comfort in our therianthropy: my fox, kyle's coyote, and a few headmates' cats. i couldn't be more grateful to our autism for getting its hooks on this one.
anyways, it's getting late. sleep well, whenever you do. til next time.
good morning! it's around 10:30am as i write this. honestly, this is pretty early for us.
we went to our first concert last night!! it was amazing; we saw apes of the state & sister wife sex strike, 2 absolutely electric folk punk bands. SWSS got us into the genre. we unfortunately didn't get any merch at the show, considering once it was over, we were exhausted and immediately got an uber home. i absolutely NEED to add both of their work to our cd collection though... maybe we'll order online. anyway, we'll probably come back to this blogpost to add photos at a later time.
in unrelated news, i've been questioning another theriotype. or, rather, we've been questioning another theriotype, since i myself still only really identify as a cross fox. identity has always been complicated for us, but figuring out if we are collectively a coyote therian has been surprisingly difficult.
as a system, we are domestic doghearted, which is easy enough to explain: all of us experience an extreme emotional & familial connection to dogs in varying degrees, with some of us even experiencing dog shifts, but none of us are actually dogs. meanwhile, i am 100% a fox. this may be because i'm simply a nonhuman alter, but i do not think being a nonhuman alter & a therian are mutually exclusive. in fact, i feel like my theriotype is connected to my existence as an alter, in a way. either way, accepting my identity as a fox was fairly easy because, well, i've always been one. i knew & accepted i wasn't human before i even discovered the therian community.
now, if accepting my cross fox identity was so easy, why is figuring out this whole coyote thing so hard??
many years ago (pre-pandemic, that's all i really remember), our old host questioned this very thing. "am i a coyote therian?". i can't fully speak for him, but i'd say he was, considering one of his fondest memories was sneaking out one night to walk around on all fours in a field and howl with the coyotes. he howled for himself, but when a nearby pack began howling back, he was euphoric.
but he's not our host anymore. yet, these feelings persist. being a system while this is happening is quite odd, because i can recognize these feelings as animalistic & nonhuman in nature, but they aren't my own. i'm trying to figure out if there's a specific headmate who wants to explore their coyote feelings more, or if this like our doghearted-ness & more a collective experience.
anyhow. this has been quite rambly, but that's alright. this is what having your own website is for, right? alright. stay hydrated, til next time.
hello again, neocities. i think of you often, although life has been incredibly hectic, so i don't update my own site much. i miss writing in general, whether that be a blogpost or what have you. i'm glad i'm updating the site again!
speaking of updates, there have been MANY to our system. we've discovered many more alters, both old & new. i haven't been in the front as much lately, which has been both a little odd but a nice break, i suppose. finn & lars have been quite helpful in keeping the system in a decent enough routine.
for a more personal/individual update, i am slowly learning more about my relationship with spirituality & witchcraft. i've always been the spiritual type, even before i knew i was part of a system; the host is not really interested in witchcraft or any form of practice either, so growing up we felt conflicted to say the least. our grandmother practices witchcraft, so when we were old enough, we started asking questions. long story short, i've been a witch for some time now, and currently the only one in the system. for now... /j
i should make a digital altar on this site. i love my irl one; it's a space dedicated to family, especially chosen family. most of the items on it are gifts from those closest to us, and they all bring their own unique positive energy. the most recent addition is pretty amazing:
we got this absolutely beautiful candle at a con with our best friend. i needed a large white candle anyway, and i love that it both has a connection to someone important to us & makes me laugh lol.
anyway, i'm going to try & decide on what to do next: make a page dedicated to my favorite songs, or start a digital altar space? we'll find out soon, i hope. til next time!
exactly one whole month after initially publishing my site, I finally make my first blog post. oops, lol. either way, I've been wanting to write about this for a while, so I finally am.
our system doesn't heavily rely on "roles", or rather using labels to describe our roles, we just kind of use whatever works. for example, I'm a "task manager"; in our system, this means I facilitate when & how we get certain tasks done. hygienic tasks, mostly.
I have conflicting feelings about roles. while "task manager" is the best way to describe my job within the system, it is pretty limiting in describing myself as an individual. I'm not only a task manager, but an artist, a friend, someone who plays video games in xeir spare time, someone who likes nintendo official soundtracks a whole lot... I'm a multifaceted individual, just like anybody else.
where my conflict lies is the fact I am also proud of my "role" as a task manager. I take pride in taking care of this human body, and making my headmates feel better after a nice shower or cleaning our space. sometimes I want to abolish using any label altogether, but sometimes I think, "wow, I'm such a good task manager". it's an odd feeling to have.
I suppose it isn't exactly wrong to have pride in my "job" as an alter, I just struggle with it pretty often. sometimes, I just want to take a break & write on my silly little blog in a silly disorganized manner.
well, speaking of managing tasks, I have to make sure the body gets its proper nutrients. til next time.